Isn’t it funny how when you become a parent, you start saying things you never thought would leave your lips. I’m not talking about all the gooey love things parents say about their children. I’m talking about the weird and wonderful things you say because your kids do weird and wonderful things.
Here is my list of things I never thought I would say:
- Can you please put your penis away. This one speaks for itself. For some reason little boys (and even big boys) just want to get their penises out whenever possible, whether it is appropriate or not. If they are not displaying their penis, they are constantly checking it is still there.
- Eating your boogers does not count as a green vegetable. I can almost understand the obsession to place a finger up a nose to see what goodies are hiding. But do you have to them place that straight into your mouth.
- If you are going to fluff, go near your father and chop it off. The smells that come out of some of my children could kill a man at 20 feet. Why is it that my kids wait until we are in an enclosed space (like the car) before sharing their smell with the world.
- Stop eating the dog food. I know you love to share with the dog but we have enough money to give you separate food.
- You must wear jocks to school. One of my children insists on wearing as little as possible and says it takes too much time to add that extra layer – called underwear.
- Do not pick poo out of the toilet. I have no words for this.
- Get out of the washing machine. Hide and seek is a great game but safety must always come first and I don’t think the washing machine is classified as a safe place.
- Please stop licking the dog. Just because the dog licks himself, doesn’t mean you have to try to help out by licking him too.
- Get your finger out of your sisters eye. And no it wasn’t an accident that your finger fell into her eye.
- I am not a trampoline. I know my stomach is a little squishy and soft but that doesn’t mean you can jump on it.
- No I don’t need to take my vagina to the hairdressers for a haircut. There is no such thing as privacy is there.
- Why is there a toy boat in the toilet? I don’t know how many times I have gone to the toilet over the years and found a little gift waiting or me.
- You cannot shrink a rubber ball in the microwave. The smell of cooked microwaved rubber takes weeks to leave the house – just a warning.
- Having a pee fight in the bath with your sister is not fair competition. With 4 kids in the bath (2 being boys), I don’t know how I survive bath time. The clean up always took longer than the bath itself.
- Yes, I know EVERYTHING so stop asking me questions. I would always make up the answers when kids were little, no wonder my kids come up with some complete rubbish.
So there is a list things I never thought I would say before becoming a mum.
What are some things you never thought you would say?