How do you get a stronger relationship with your family?
I have a great relationship with my children, something I am very proud of. I work hard at building stronger relationship with each child and so far I am winning the battle. As we head deep into the teenage years, my window of being ‘Mum of the year‘ is getting smaller and smaller. I’m willing to do extra work, go the extra mile if it means that my relationship with my children stays healthy.
Then I began to assess the other relationships around me. Life isn’t just my little family on its own in a secure bubble. There are others who surround us constantly, wanting to be part of our circle and us part of theirs.
I am one of 5 children and each sibling of mine has had children. I am lucky both my parents are still alive (one is remarried) and I have 24 cousins on one side. I am very close to my 3 sisters (hi Gabe, Meg and Amy) and my brother (I will say hi to Tim but I know he won’t read this post). I love their choices in partners and adore all my nieces and nephews.
Recently we went away camping with most of my siblings and my Mum and her beautiful partner Pete. It was just what I needed to remind me that I needed to start looking at life the way I use to. I know we are all busy (I read about time poor EVERYDAY) but it is the relationships that surround us, that will ultimately be with us forever that also need to be worked on. Whilst camping, I reconnected with 3 of my gorgeous nieces Maddie, Tassie and Em and my nephew Mitch. I didn’t realise just how much I missed them and missed having a stronger relationship with them.
Hanging out together can be fun
image credit
I want my nieces and nephews ( 6 girls and 4 boys) to look to me if they are ever in trouble. I want them to be able to talk to me if they can’t talk to their parents. And I also want my children to feel the same way about my siblings.
So I have created 8 tips about getting that stronger relationship with your family, and something that should be worked on all the time, because you never know when you will need each other:
- Have strong communication. Make sure they know that you are available to them if they ever need you. Get to know them, their friends, their likes/dislikes and actually want to be part of their life.
- Be a good listener. There is one thing to say you are a good listener and another to actual be one. If you see something they might like, send them a text or a picture or even pick up the phone and call them. They will soon realise that you do care and do listen.
- Spend time together. Sometimes this can be easier said than done but it can be simple things like going shopping together, heading out for a walk or asking them to join you at a sporting event.
- Be a mentor. When you have younger nieces, nephews or cousins it is important they have an older figure to look up to. Being a strong and reliable role model is the first way to start building stronger relationships as they will want to be part of your life.
- Laughter is the key. Life can be so serious and teenagers can take it even more seriously than adults. When your family are around you it is essential to enjoy each others company with lost of laughing – real belly-wobbling laughs.
- Have their back. Families need to show loyalty and feel secure that no matter what happens, your family will always have your back. As children grow into teens, this security begins to wane a little and insecurities creep in so developing a stronger relationship will help squash these insecurities.
- Respect is a two-way street. Teenagers thrive on respect and supports their need to be loved. Showing our families respect and receiving it in return cements the bond in the relationship, making it deeper and more fulfilling.
- Find a common ground. When there is a massive age difference, it can be difficult to find a common interest. There needs to be something that you can keep going back to and rely on when you get together. It doesn’t have to be anything grand but when you find it, cherish it and the little relationship with soon flourish.
Do you have a strong and healthy relationship with your family? What do you do to build a stronger relationship?
cheers natalie
The bonds between family, all family not just siblings and parents, should be strong. Luckily for me, that is the case with everyone in my family. Having a close family relationship is something that is very important for both my mum and my dad. Whilst we may not see each other as often as we might like, I know that my family will always be there for me.
Over the school holidays we went away camping for a few days with Mum’s side of the family. Those few days we spent with limited technology access and no wi-fi, forced my cousins and I into spending quality time together (not that we wouldn’t have anyway but no wi-fi means we have no distractions). When we were little, my cousins were among the people closest to me but with high school and busy schedules we have drifted apart slightly but holidays like these always bring us back together.
I know that my aunties, uncles and grandparents (on both sides of my family) will be there for me no matter what issue I face. I know that I would be able to turn to them for any problem I have and not worry about being judged. Behind my parents, my older relatives would probably be the first people I would turn to in a situation where I need help.
Families come in all shapes and sizes
image credit
For me, the best part of being close with my family is the acceptance I get from everyone around me. They all accept me, and everyone else in the family, for exactly who we are. Whether you’re considered a bit of a nerd (sadly that is who I am to most of my cousins) or the family clown (that’s a title that goes out to pretty much everyone in my family), I love that you can be accepted by the people who were born to love you.
I’m lucky to have such close family ties, as I know that many families around me aren’t as lucky. When they say strength in numbers, I’m very glad that I can find strength in the large number that is my family. Without the influence of every single one of my family members I wouldn’t be the person I am today. Without the constant love and support I have got from every single one of my family members, I wouldn’t be anywhere near as happy as I am today.
see ya Ash xxx
What a great post! I especially love your daughters perspective. Unfortunately I am estranged from most of my immediate family and rarely get to see my nieces and nephews, however these tips will be just as valuable in our own family of 5 children. Thank you
Nicole @ The Builder’s Wife recently posted…Toolbox Tuesday-The Hammer
Sorry about your family situation, unfortunately this happens more often these days. 5 children makes more than most people have in their extra family..lol.. Thanks heaps for popping over Nicole.
Argueably , this is the most meaningful, worthwhile, beautifully constructed, parallel connected blog you have constructed. You both have every reason to be very proud and happy in the space you currently occupy.
Life,s journey,with its fair share of pitfalls along the way, can always be offset by the close knit family, and extended family unit, offering a shoulder or providing advice and unqualified support when such action is deemed necessary or appropriate..
I am humbled by the opportunity, perhaps it was just luck, to be part of such wise parallel family empathy.
You are just beautiful Pete. We are the lucky ones to have you meet us later in life and now such an integral part of our family. I love how you said offering a shoulder as more often than not, you don’t need someone to sort your problems out, just to be there…
What a lovely post. Family is such an important part of life and having strong extended family ties is essential. I love your tips at how to maintain them. It was heart warming to read Ash’s post about feeling so secure in her family.
Leaving some fairy wishes and butterfly kisses from #teamIBOT
Rhianna recently posted…Returning to a new normal
Ahh thanks Rhianna, we happily accept these wishes and kisses…. Ash is wise young woman. When I told her what I wanted the post to be about, she looked at me strangely, confused. Then off she went, wrote her part (we never read what each other says btw) and emailed me her response. I cried a little as it was perfect – both for the blog and for me…
I learned a big lesson about relationships last month – your tips are spot on 🙂
Veggie Mama recently posted…Sunset at the 12 Apostles
Thanks, I hope it was a positive lesson in the end.
Neither Boatman nor I come from close families, so it’s something I really want to get better at with my own kids. I’m trying, but It’s not something that comes very easily for me sadly.
EssentiallyJess recently posted…Just Write #2. A Sad Day for English #IBOT
The fact that you realise this is the first step. I always hold myself accountable to my kids. If it is something I struggle with ( like food has always been an issue with me) I do not want my kids to go through what I went through. So I make more of an effort to stop this happening. Baby steps Jess is the best we can do.
These school holidays I have tried really hard to spent some one-on-one time with my 7yo daughter, ask her what’s up, try not to be too nosy and dorky or upset when she says things I’m not ready for. FINGERS CROSSED. As for the boys, WHO KNOWS! x
Emily @ Have A Laugh On Me recently posted…27 posts I’m too scared, lazy or nervous to publish.
The earlier you start with these relationships, the easier they actually get. You sound like you are doing an great job.. I found my boys need the same conversations, attention, input as my girls.. funny huh…
The relationship of cousins is really very special isn’t it and your family relationships sound so solid. I probably need to be a more involved Aunt. We had Easter with my sister, brother in law and niece and nephew, with Mum and Dad and my brother and nephew joining us the second day. It was really lovely. We have an annual family holiday to Brunswick Heads that we cherish. And tomorrow I’m leaving the kids with hubby for three nights as I cruise from Brisbane to Sydney with my Mum, sister, aunts and girl cousins – can’t wait.
Kathy recently posted…The slow fail (or twinkle little star)
That sound absolutely amazing. I am very jealous Kathy. It starts with the adults and you sound like you have that.. as nieces/nephews get older, thats when you make sure you are available.
It’s interesting reading and seeing different peoples family dynamics. Facebook has allowed my to get to know the cousins from my Dad’s side a bit better (he’s one of 10 so there are a lot of cousins!) and I really enjoy it. I am a bit of an introvert though and do feel quite overwhelmed with lots of contact with other people. We have just had my partners kids and grandkids here for a week and we’re both exhausted lol!
Tegan Churchill recently posted…10 Lessons life has taught me
Sounds like a fun and tiring time. Having people come into your house is very challenging as they invade a personal space we only share with very few people. You sound like you handled it amazingly well. Good for you Tegan.
Wow! I would love to have a big family. I always dreamed of being part of a big family when I was younger and the pull is even stronger now I have kids. Fortunately my hubby has two sisters with kids so I am learning how to be part of a family – and so are my kids.
I’m really trying to show our girls (I have 2 teenage step daughters and 9 and 6 year old daughters) how important the relationships with their sisters are. And secretly I can’t wait till they are all older and there are little ones running around. Maybe… 🙂
JodiGibson (@JFGibsonWriter) recently posted…Worried about what others think? What about this?
You are way too young and gorgeous to be thinking about grandkids Jodi. Sisters relationships are the first best friend you will ever have. I cherish my sisters and love when we finally get to catch up.
Beautiful post as always. I am guilty at times of focusing on my immediate family also. It’s important to keep those relationships strong with extended family and friends of course too. Time can be such a killer, but you need to find the time.
mummywifeme recently posted…Life these days
Time is the killer thats why one of my new years resolutions was to bring it in and only spend time with those who really mean something to me and not worry too much about the others. Hope that doesnt sound too harsh.
Interesting post with great tips. I really like the mother/daughter dynamic- great idea.
I’m sure you know there’s a ‘subscribe’ header and two separate pop ups on your blog. I found this a little too much and a bit annoying, if I wasn’t here through a linky I’d have left the page. Hope you don’t mind the feedback.
#brilliantblogposts
Mama, My Kid Doesn’t Poop Rainbows recently posted…The transformation from single hair to mummy hair.
Thanks for the feedback. There should just be the header which stays there and one pop up.. I will go back and check…
I agree with you that laughter is so important ! Great post #brilliantblogposts
Mummy Fever recently posted…Learning through play
Nothing nicer than having a good laugh
Very insightful and some great tips. We are a close immediate family and we as parents have worked hard for that.
Amy @ HandbagMafia recently posted…Betts, Get On Your Own Side
That’s great Amy and one that constantly needs work.. It’s pretty exhausting sometimes with all this work..lol
It’s fantastic that you’ve got such a big family, with such strong connections. I’ve got lots of cousins (20 something of them!), but they’re scattered all over the world so I rarely see them.
Great post, thanks ladies 🙂
Mumma McD recently posted…How to get out the door with 2 kids in 30 easy steps
It can be so hard to stay connected when you don’t have the opportunity to do so. I am lucky I have a big family and we all live close by too.
That’s cool. Love the different perspectives. Great idea.
That top photo … of the dolls … what big eyes they have!
Leanne @ Deep Fried Fruit
Leanne @ Deep Fried Fruit recently posted…Day 2018 – Driving in the dark
Thanks Leanne, our perspectives are different but often parallel…
This is such a great post and I love the different sides of the story. I was so close to my uncles and aunts growing up, and used to spend loads of time with my cousins. As my mum was a single parent, my uncles were like surrogate dads and even though we’re literally a world away from each other now, we’re still super close. I love those top tips – I’m going to work on those with my own nieces and nephews. It’s all about the connections.
Sammie @ The Annoyed Thyroid recently posted…The Ultimate Rabbit Hole #14
Thanks Sammie. Connections builds a solid foundation.. and that is something I am keen to create.
These are some great tips. I think the listening is a huge one – everyone wants to feel like they are being heard and their feelings acknowledged.
Christine @ Adventure, Baby! recently posted…Where I Work (AKA How I Manage Being A WFHM)
Thanks Christine for popping over and checking out our post.
Great tips, Natalie. While I think I’m doing most of them, I know it’s always good to look back and figure out where I could do better.
I also agree that acceptance is the most important thing your family can give you and what you can give to members of your family.
Grace recently posted…FYBF – Ain’t No Couch Potato
Thanks Grace. It can be hard to do all of them but at least trying is the best we can do.
Finding common ground really is so important! I have a 12 year difference between my youngest brother and me. It’s hard sometimes, especially because we are in such different stages of life. However, we both love art, and that always seems to bring us together.
You sound like you have it sorted out Angela. Congratulations.
Love
Thanks Dotti.
I love our family get togethers. Having extended family member that you feel comfortable with is important. When you feel comfortable, you are more likely to be open and willing to share and trust.
alicia recently posted…Listen #fmy52weeksofmemories
Very true Alicia. When you know who you are and you are comfortable in your skin, things become more real.
Great tips Natalie – spot on!
Kirsty @ My Home Truths recently posted…I’m walking for autism #imustconfess
Thanks Kirsty.
Now my kids are grown, one of the things I am sad about is that they are no longer interested in keeping in touch with family (apart from us) – cousins, and grandparents. I’m hoping it’s just a stage and they grow out of it!
Janet aka Middle Aged Mama recently posted…A Crisis of Faith
I know I went through a stage like that in my early 20’s. It has changed back now.
I love how your daughter contributes to these topics! It’s wonderful to read her perspective. I really wish I grew up in such a supportive family. I know they love me and would do anything for me, but we aren’t close and I struggle to connect with them in a deep level and a level I would want with my own children.
Zita recently posted…til next time…
I’ve always been very protective of my feelings (so you must wonder why I blog) but I have found I can let go a little with my own children. I want them to have what I feel I needed.
I agree with you laughter is so important ! This is such a great post! Sometimes we all forget to nurture our friendships. This is a wonderful reminder. Thank you for sharing this with us!
Thanks Lisa for checking us out. Laughter is a big key to happiness.