I am very excited to be hosting my very first linkup. Beautiful Kirsty from My Home Truths is selfishly away on a holiday of a lifetime (can you tell I am jealous) and I volunteered to host the first weeks party. Please join in the fun, share the linkup with friends, so when Kirsty comes home she is proud of my work.
I must confess I do like my own company. Growing up in a small house with 5 children, the luxury of being alone was not something I experienced. My week consisted of family time, school, sleepover over at my cousin’s house and playing with friends on weekends. I look back now and realise I have never really spent anytime getting to know me.
As I have grown, I now have 4 children of my own and I still struggle to get time on my own. However, being on my own means something different now than it did back then. This is how I interpreted what being on your own meant as a child, even as a teenager:
- Being alone meant you had no friends
- Being alone was boring
- Being alone meant no one cared for you
- Being alone meant no one liked you enough to want you to join in
- Being alone was not good for my self-esteem
I never really got to know the one person in the world who would have my back forever. I never understood how I related to others in my life because I never really got to know myself. It was like I wouldn’t me get to know myself in case I didn’t like what I saw. Every waking hour was taken up with someone else’s thoughts, someone else’s opinions and there just wasn’t enough time in the day for me. I was too frightened to understand myself. I was too frightened to get to know the real Natalie.
It wasn’t until I started to call myself a writer that I actually allowed myself time alone. In the beginning it was forced on me (you try writing the greatest ever novel in a room full of people), and I must confess I didn’t like it. It made me feel uncomfortable and like I was cheating my family the time I could have given them. When I started to enjoy being on my own, I also started to get to know myself. I realised I actually think I’m OK and that I don’t need someone there to reassure me. I can reassure myself. This is how I look at being on my own now:
- Being alone gives me quality time with myself
- I deserve to have quality time
- Being alone rejuvenates my soul, my thoughts and my attitude
- I deserve to have my soul, thoughts and attitude looked after
- Being alone gives me time to be a better person for those around me
- Those around me deserve the best me
- Being alone has helped me care for the one person who will always have my back
- I deserve to have my back
It wasn’t until I started writing that I accepted I am different to my friends and family, most writers are. When I’m in writing mode, I get lost in the words and I wish my time was endless. I am happy to miss out on social events if it means I can get time to spend on myself, as it is still a cherished asset.
When you get some time to yourself, what do you love to do?
I Must Confess is a link up that runs every Monday and remains live for the whole week.
– You can link up something old or new, we’re not fussy around here.
– Feel free to go with the prompt for the week or add your own confession, whatever suits.
– Please go forth and share the comment love – it is bloggy crack after all!
– We’re always open to suggestions for the weekly prompt!
Join the I Must Confess linkup!