The life has been sucked out of me
I love my children. I honestly do. I chose to have 4 kids and mostly, I am really happy with that decision. I didn’t realise when my kids were babies, just how much hard fucking work they would be as they get older. My kids have sucked the life out of me and I am going crazy.
Before you send me horrible messages (I prefer you just shut up really) telling me that I am a bad mother and it was my choice to have so many kids, I totally agree. It was my choice. I always wanted a big family and for the most part, I love having a big family. But I am still allowed to scream that my kids are sucking the life out of me and I am starting to feel older than I actually am (
39 .. .41 … oh alright I’m 43).
- I am a woman.
- I am a smart woman.
- I am an independent woman.
Somehow all this seems to be forgotten when it comes to being everything to everyone. I want my kids to be happy and I work bloody hard to make sure this happens. Then somehow along the way I forgot about me and now I am the one who is struggling as my kids are cruising along just fine.
Some days nothing is good enough. Between the 4 of them, they chip away at me (not realising what the others are doing) and then I end up disappointing either 1 or all of them. I am sick of feeling like I am not getting it right most of the time because you know what – I am getting it right most of the time and they can just learn to live with an imperfect mum. Daily I get comments like:
“Is that really what we are having for dinner?”
“Why can’t my friend have another sleep over?”
“Can you please take me to….(so many places I can’t begin to list them individually)?”
“Tell (insert brother or sisters name) to get out of my room?” Followed by constant fighting
“I hate cleaning the house.” (yes I
make try to make my kids clean the house)
“Can I have some money for (insert anything here)?”
“Hurry up we will be late for …”
And amongst all these comments thrown daily is the usual making of lunches, cooking dinner, driving everyone all over the state just because I feel like sitting in a car in my spare time, forking out money like it has no value, attending kids events, making sure they are coping with life and dealing with fighting constantly.
Yes I have had a bitch today but my kids have sucked life out of me and I needed to rant. Who would have thought kids were so self-centred (yes I am joking. I know this is normal kid behaviour but this is my place to bitch).
I have decided to have a few weeks off blogging – first time since I began nearly 3 years ago. I need to resort my shit out. For the small handful of people who actually read the shit I write, thanks for little shocked noise I heard when you read this. For now, I will say bye.