The life has been sucked out of me
I love my children. I honestly do. I chose to have 4 kids and mostly, I am really happy with that decision. I didn’t realise when my kids were babies, just how much hard fucking work they would be as they get older. My kids have sucked the life out of me and I am going crazy.
Before you send me horrible messages (I prefer you just shut up really) telling me that I am a bad mother and it was my choice to have so many kids, I totally agree. It was my choice. I always wanted a big family and for the most part, I love having a big family. But I am still allowed to scream that my kids are sucking the life out of me and I am starting to feel older than I actually am (39 ...41 … oh alright I’m 43).
- I am a woman.
- I am a smart woman.
- I am an independent woman.
Somehow all this seems to be forgotten when it comes to being everything to everyone. I want my kids to be happy and I work bloody hard to make sure this happens. Then somehow along the way I forgot about me and now I am the one who is struggling as my kids are cruising along just fine.
Some days nothing is good enough. Between the 4 of them, they chip away at me (not realising what the others are doing) and then I end up disappointing either 1 or all of them. I am sick of feeling like I am not getting it right most of the time because you know what – I am getting it right most of the time and they can just learn to live with an imperfect mum. Daily I get comments like:
“Is that really what we are having for dinner?”
“Why can’t my friend have another sleep over?”
“Can you please take me to….(so many places I can’t begin to list them individually)?”
“Tell (insert brother or sisters name) to get out of my room?” Followed by constant fighting
“I hate cleaning the house.” (yes I make try to make my kids clean the house)
“Can I have some money for (insert anything here)?”
“Hurry up we will be late for …”
And amongst all these comments thrown daily is the usual making of lunches, cooking dinner, driving everyone all over the state just because I feel like sitting in a car in my spare time, forking out money like it has no value, attending kids events, making sure they are coping with life and dealing with fighting constantly.
Yes I have had a bitch today but my kids have sucked life out of me and I needed to rant. Who would have thought kids were so self-centred (yes I am joking. I know this is normal kid behaviour but this is my place to bitch).
I have decided to have a few weeks off blogging – first time since I began nearly 3 years ago. I need to resort my shit out. For the small handful of people who actually read the shit I write, thanks for little shocked noise I heard when you read this. For now, I will say bye.
Nat
I TOTALLY hear you. These are the nuts and bolts of parenting right here and the difficulties of it all as they age. It’s enormous work and very draining. (It makes the baby and toddler years look like glitter.)
I chose my six and each year the work and exhaustion piles up as they age.
This is a great post and I am so glad you penned it. I really hope you find some peace through it all and I will be looking forward to catching up here on the otherside. X
Thanks love;y Jody. It is bloody hard work and I am not afraid to shout this. As they get older it gets harder and people are always commenting how much they LOVE being a mum with all the horses. Well I love being a mum but sometimes the roses just stink. I am hoping to find what I need too.
I hear you on all you have written. I too would be feeling like you right now as teen/tween kids are very wearing. I hope that you can find some time for you…yes, YOU. Until then, you know I support all you need to do to become the person (note: not the MUM) you need and want to be. Denyse xx
Your words Denyse always makes me feel like I matter. Thank you so much.
Sometimes we really need a break!! I hope it helps you.
So the hell do I Ness. I really love writing but it is all pissing me off lately.
Why do we have blogs if not to post our rants?!! Sometimes you’ve just got to get it all out or you will go mad.
We will miss you in your break, but I hope you come back refreshed and feeling less drained. Much love to you.
Thank you gorgeous Tory. I do love a rant every now and then though. Maybe that will be my first post back.
It does get better Natalie … I survived with 5. I remember the exhaustion, frustration, anger and wondered sometimes if it would all get better….it did. I raised 5 fantastic kids/adults that I am very proud of and looking at my 12 grandkids and knowing my children are raising them to be be good people.
Hang in there, take a deep breath and smell the roses…they don’t smell that bad.
Hehehe you have made me laugh and then snort a cry at the same time.
I think we all have these feelings at times as much we love our kids. Don’t feel bad about needing some time for yourself. It really can be a thankless job sometimes. You are a fantastic parent and one day you’ll look at your adult children who will all turn out to be great people and know it was worth it. But sometimes it just sucks being in the trenches and it’s ok to acknowledge that. Hope the bloggy break helps xo
Thanks Ness. It will be weird not heading over here to check on things but this is something I need to do.
I hear you! I’m on a “stop bluddy touching me!” rampage at the moment, at least teens don’t want hugs, but toddlers are so touchy!
LOl my teens are still cool with hugs. Funny there is always something with every stage.
Hey Nat
You are so totally not alone! Take the time you need. Big hugs I totally agree the older the kids are the harder they are! In my head I honestly thought that anything would be better than a crying baby but it turns out tantruming tweens and hormonal teens are actually worse if for no other reason you can’t put them in a cot and walk away – they tend to follow you.
Kit xoxo
Hahahaha that is so true. They do follow and then they argue and when you say enough, they walk off and keep talking (or bitching) under their breath. Ahhh I want babies back.
I think that’s a very good idea to take a break!
Thanks Eva.
No shocked noises here! Hey I only had two kids and I *so* get where you are coming from!!!! I hope you find a way to ease the pressure on yourself and that your kids lighten up x
Thanks Janet. I love them to death but sometimes bloody hate em too
Nat, sorry to hear you are struggling but it’s a good thing you’re taking step back to breathe and look after yourself. I hope you can find yourself again and you can come back refreshed and revived. Btw I could relate to nearly every sentence you wrote in there – I read them in the voices of my own children! Look after yourself x
Oh no, you probably have a headache now. I know I will be able to come back better and stronger
Have a great break my love! Yes these little fuckers DO suck every ounce of energy and self out of us. I am feeling ya xx
Thanks Alicia
I think being a parent is one of the most thankless and most demanding jobs in the world and you’re doing it times four! Enjoy the You-Time, it sounds like you’ve earned it!
Thanks Sammie
Yep, it really is hard work and I only have two. Managing four must be hard!! Good on you for recognising you need to take a break x
Thanks Renee
Chin up, lady. It’s what kids exist for!! Hope you’re feeling much better about it all now. x
Thanks Bron