She can’t remember when the word diet was a friendly word.
She can’t remember when food was there only for pleasure, not for pain.
She can’t remember when the reflection in the mirror made her smile.
She wakes every day with a small glimmer of hope that this day will be different from all the rest. As her eyes allow the morning sunlight to penetrate through, her thoughts are always positive thoughts. If she could only capture these tiny moments every morning. She would bottle them to live a week where nothing hurtful attacked her from within.
As her feet hit the bedroom floor, she knew that precious guilt free moment was gone and another day of hating herself was about to begin. She can’t remember the last time she didn’t hate herself.
Her friends at school would never understand the demon she kept inside. They talked about being skinny to her. They talked about being perfect to her. They never talked with her so they could never know how she really felt about herself.
She stood in front of the mirror, searching her entire body for every imperfection that she knew so well. Every part of her body was imperfect. Every part of her body was fat. Every part of her body had been infected by this demon. She despised every part of her body.
Why was she being punished? Why did god insist on making her so imperfect while her friends had everything? She tried desperately to understand her punishment but the answer never came. She then punished herself by not feeding her imperfect body, by not nourishing her imperfect figure and by allowing the demon to take control every day.
If only she could remember how it felt to love her reflection.
If only she could remember how it felt to be happy.
If only she could share her poisonous thoughts.
She knew what she was thinking was not right but she didn’t know how to change her thoughts.
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