Where have my boobs gone?
Recently I stood in front of the mirror, naked, and analysed my reflection. What can I say except – where have my boobs gone? Sadly, my modelling days have finally come to an end.
I never had big boobs as a teenager, always a perky size 12B but at least in a bra I could find a cleavage. I felt feminine and sexy when I wore fitted tops, knowing the odd (very odd) look was coming my way.
Well my kids have now destroyed my dream of becoming a super model as I have very little to offer the catwalk anymore. Not only have my boobs gone but there is not longer any part of my body that has stood the test of motherhood.
So a few weeks ago a modelling agency “LoveThosePuppies” contacted me and wanted me to come in for a pre-shoot as Victoria’s Secret’ were looking for Miranda Kerr’s replacement. Excitedly I screamed down the phone, jumping up and down until must boobs popped out of my bra. Hang on a minute, I wasn’t wearing a bra and my boobs were not popping anywhere.
‘Noooooo, where have my boobs gone?’
I ran to the mirror, undressed quickly to search for my lost boobs. This is what I saw:
BAGS UNDER EYES – everyday I look like I have done 10 rounds with Lional Rose, and they keep getting bigger no matter what expensive cream I use.
CELLULITE – even though I have been wearing this lovely orange peel look since I was 18yrs old, now the lumps are so defined, they can store water for weeks.
TUCKSHOP ARMS – I taught the Queen how to wave and if you get too close while I say goodbye, I can slap you in the face.
WRINKLES – I like to call them smile lines… Looks like I have smiled non stop for 42years.
EXCESSIVE HAIR – this is probably just lazy but winter always brings out the best in me.. Including Forgetting to wax/shave…
STOMACH – where is that bloody 6 pack? Oh hang on, I forgot, I have never actually had a 6pack, but now I have a 12 pack.
STRETCH MARKS – my hips have never bounced back after the last child… Who would ever have guessed that?
So now I know where my boobs went….Oh and my modelling career.