Image Source: Ashley Leatherman
Feelings of insecurity are emotionally unhealthy and the earlier in life a child or tween or teenager understand, accept and love themselves, the happier they will be in adulthood. It can be a difficult part of a personality to alter, but one that can only result in a more positive outcome.
No one likes to feel left out, especially when hanging out with your friends. Even as I get older and supposedly wiser the emotions some friends generate within me brings me straight back to my childhood. The feeling of being left out can turn the most confident individual into an insecure and emotional mess. Why did they not include me? Is it something that I said? Is it something about my personality that they don’t like? Most of these types of questions only result in negative answers.
When 3 friends are together there will always be times when one person will feel they are being left out. The emotion is contagious and can spread throughout the group with everyone wishing they were not the person being left out. Recently I had coffee with 2 friends and for the most part, the conversation was shared evenly about our weekends, children and the week ahead. When a story was shared about catching up over the weekend, a catch up I was not privy to, I admit I felt hurt that I was not included. My mind raced about why they had not included me – I’m fun, I’m good for a laugh, I was around all they needed to do was call. Even 20 years later, feeling left out still hurts.
Being jealous of friends who seem to have everything you want only generates anger and sadness, but doesn’t give you what they have, only make you feel negative inside. Everyone has moments where the green eyed monster appears, it’s only natural, but it should never take over your life and your thoughts.
Image Source: Zoe Campbell
Why do we sometimes feel insecure around friends when they are meant to be the ones who care for you the most? Understanding yourself first is the key to reducing the hurt feelings friendships and life can bring. It has taken me too many years to learn this so I want to share my top 8 tips for teenagers and especially tweens when it comes to believing in yourself, trusting your instincts and being the best person you can be.
- If your life needs changing, look in the mirror as that one special person who can make that change is YOU.
- Choose friends who make you feel good, this is totally in your control. Don’t be afraid to let some go.
- Don’t be afraid to ask questions. Information is power.
- Don’t change so people can like you. Be yourself and the right people will not only like you but love you, flaws and all.
- Forgive yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. Learn from the mistake, and not just saying it, really learn, then move on.
- Stop judging those around you. The beauty of this world is that everyone is different and we all choice to live our life in a different way. Just because your bestie doesn’t do it your way, does;t mean it is wrong.
- Your mind is your most powerful asset. Cherish it. Feed it from good sources, positive sources to help avoid negative emotions.
- Respect your body as it is the only one you are going to get. If you are unhappy with your appearance, then only you can change it. Look in the mirror, stop judging what you see, feed your mind with positive thoughts and make that change happen.
- If it is you who has done something mean or nasty, say sorry and MEAN it. If you truly regret what you have done, fix it. If the person accepts your apology, move on from it.
- Laugh, laugh and laugh some more. Life always appears brighter when you are smiling and laughing. It is impossible to stay negative when you are really belly laughing. Try is with those friends that make you feel good.
For a teenage girl, self doubt doesn’t always just extend to questioning what I said or did, quickly it becomes a question of what I wear or my appearance. I know that being left out, whether on purpose or completely accidental, hurts and can often bring out the worst of me. Although most times groups of threes aren’t always the best option for people, I will admit that sometimes they work out fine and allow people to people to have much more fun than they would if it was just a duo.
See ya Ashlea
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